Cinemascope

E, frontman for The Eels, currently my favorite band in the world, recorded a heartbreakingly beautiful rendition for “Railroad Man” yesterday to be played tomorrow at the memorial service of Anthony Fusaro, a 15 years old Eels fan who died last month from brain and spinal cancer. E, on his blog, told of how he met Anthony at one of The Eels’ shows in April. Then came the news a month later about his death. The home-made video features E, E’s dog, Bobby Jr. and the stuffed pet Anthony gave E to give to Bobby Jr. backstage.

Tomorrow’s memorial will raise money for Fusaro’s charity, helping other oncology patients.

“Hancock” had a preview screening in Tel Aviv yesterday and Eden, one of the readers over on my Hebrew blog saw it and sent in a brief comment. He was not happy with what he saw:

Saw “Hancock” yesterday and it’s a very peculiar movie. Halfway through the movie swerves into a direction not hinted in the trailers. It went into what I think is the wrong direction and nearly ruined the movie with being overly melodramatic. It’s not a bad movie, it was still pretty enjoyable and I think it will make heaps of money but it reminded me of “The Last Action Hero”, a movie that marked the end of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s rein as the king of action movies. If Will Smith doesn’t look out “Hancock” could be the beginning of the end for his career.

Oh dear. “The Last Action Hero”? Overly melodramatic? Can anyone else elaborate?

George Carlin, 71, one of the funniest men in America, died tonight of heart failure. Read one of the last interviews he gave to Salon.

Remembrances are starting to pour in.

In this routine he says that there in no God, and that he prefers to worship the Sun, Humpty Dumpty and Joe Pesce instead. He ends the bit saying: “If God exists may he strike me down now”. Well, it seems God was preoccupied and could attend to Carlin’s request only tonight. I’d love to hear Carlin now, after his death, and to know once and for all if it is indeed Humpty Dumpty greeting the deceased at Heaven’s gates.

And here is his 1978 HBO special:

Acidic Jew

Seen Adam Sandler’s hilarious “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan” but didn’t understand a word he said? Live from Tel Aviv, the fizzy bubblech capitol of the world, I’m proud to present: The Silky Smooth Dictionary to Zohanisms. Everything you wanted to know about the hybrid Hebrew/Arabic/Yiddish/Gibberish that Sandler and his screenwriting partners - Judd Apatow and Robert Smigel - concocted and then wrapped up in an undecipherable accent (more Kazakh than Israeli, a common mistake in these post Borat days, where an Israeli actor played a Kazakh reporter).

If you are on your way to the see “Zohan” pre-load this page on your iPhone browser and refer to it mid-screening, whenever a word unfamiliar to you pops up (I’ve tried to arrange the words in the order they appear in the movie).

- Zohan (Gibberish). This is the character’s first name (Zohan Dvir is his full name), which would suggest this name does exist in Hebrew. It doesn’t. Zohar is a rather common Sabra name, both for males and females, meaning Glow or Halo (and I would guess you’d find dozens of Zohar Dvirs in Israel), but Zohan is a made-up name, which rings more Persian than Israeli. Maybe they branded “zohar” with “cohen” and came up with “Zohan”, or maybe they just misheard. (Ido Mouserri, who plays Oori in the film, said in an interview today that Sandler and Co. knew that Zohan is not an actual name but they feared of getting in trouble with an actual Zohar Dvir who could sue them).

- Dagim (Hebrew). DA as in DArfur, GIM as in GIMble. Fish. or as Zohan says in the second scene, while standing naked next to a barbecue (or Mangal in Hebrew): “I’m cooking dagim”.

-Yalla (from the Arabic but commonly used in the Hebrew vernacular): a rather rude, but useful, cry for the purpose of speeding one up and demonstrating impatience. Common usage: “Yalla, let’s go”. Or: “Yalla Yalla”. (This is the Arabic equivalent to the Russian “Noo”, that was commonly used in the Jewish vernacular earlier in the 20th century).

- Sababa (from the Arabic but commonly used in the Hebrew vernacular). Cool. Fine. The Best.

- Kapara (Hebrew slang). Darling. Honey.

- Motek (Hebrew). Sweetheart, Baby, Honey.

- Eize basa (Hebrew/Arabic): “What a bummer”

- Aba (Hebrew): Dad. Father.

- Imma (Hebrew): Mom. Mother.

- Feigale (Yiddish): Gay.

- Tatale (Yiddish): Kid, Child.

- Babaganoush (Culinary). Eggplant and Tehina salad. Very tasty.

- Beseder (Hebrew): OK. All is Well.

Bed, Beach and Beyond

- Poontachat (Hebrew/Gibberish). Vagina. This word doesn’t really exist, it was made up by the writers. Poon is the American slang word for the female genitals, and Tachat is “Ass” in Hebrew. Add one to the other and you get a throaty word that sounds vulgar in three different languages.

- Fizzy Bubblech (Gibberish). A true mystery: where did this word come from. This is the Orange soda Zohan chugs down throughout the movie, but it’s not like anything you can actually find in Israel. Which made me realize: Apatow or Sandler must’ve visited Israel once, either in the late Seventies or early Eighties (Smigel admitted he’s never been here), and “Zohan” is based on what they saw back then - the hair, the music, the beaches, the blood-thirst, the sexual ambiguity. And also the soft drinks: back in the Seventies the American Fanta was named Kinley over here, and the Orange flavor soda indeed tasted a bit more acidic than in the States, add to that two locally brewed brands that competed - Crystal and Tempo - all in bottles resembling a curvaceous woman, and you’d see were the inspiration comes from. But that was before globalization. Crystal and Tempo disappeared, Fanta is now readily available, and “Fizzy Bubblech” is not something you’ll find in Israeli supermarkets.

- MUCHENTUCHEN (Gibberish). Ditto. The restaurant chain owned by former terrorist The Phantom (John Turturro) sells Shawarma (or Gyro, or Hero in Greek, or Doner Kabab in Turkish). MUCHENTUCHEN is not an actual word. It’s the closest thing to “Akalakalaka Street” in “Team America”.

- Hacky Sack (English). AKA Footbag. Supposedly a middle-eastern specialty sport, common enough to unite even the bitterest of enemies. Actually Footbag is completely unknown in this neck of the wood. According to Wikipedia all Footbag record holders are west-coast or mid-west Americans. The middle-east is ga-ga over soccer, and Israel is also nuts on Basketball, and the sad truth is that when Israeli teams make the cut and join a world tournament, Arab teams immediately drop out (and not for fear of losing).

- Gay Shlufen (Yiddish). “Go to sleep”. (This has nothing to do with the queer “Gay”. “Gay” in Yiddish is the verb “Go”). Zohan says this to the dogs - Coco and Mr. Scrappy - on the plane. You’d hear Yiddish from people who are mostly over 70 in Israel. It’s an elderly language. If you hear someone in his early 30’s talking Yiddish amongst himself it means last time you visited Israel is in 1976.

- Boker Tov (Hebrew). Good Morning.

- Yofi (Hebrew): Good, wonderful. (The actual meaning is “Beauty”, but the vernacular usage is less refined so ultimately Yofi, Sababa, Achla and Beseder are interchangeable).

- Yofi Tofi (Hebrew slang): Goodie-Goodie. Hunky-Dory.

- Kneidelach (Yiddish): Matzoh ball.

- Sheket (Hebrew): Quiet! (used for the purpose of shushing one up).

- Mensch (Yiddish). Person, man. But it’s used to distinguish someone as an exceptionally good human being, a person with heart. As in with “Gay Shlufen” usage of this word in a character that’s in his 30’s in Present Day is an anachronism.

- Sharmuta (Arabic): Whore.

- Zikpa (Hebrew): Erection (hat-tip: orrk)

Does John Lasseter and company know how big they are in Israel? “Wall-E”, it was announced today, will be the opening night film at the Jerusalem Film Festival on July 10th, two weeks after the American release. It will be the second Pixar movie in a row to open the Jerusalem Fest, after last year’s “Ratatuoille”. I wonder if the fest’s name shouldn’t be changed already to The Jerusalem Pixar International Festival Festival. Organizers picked “Wall-E” over “Kung Fu Panda”, which was also offered to them as opening night fare.

Wall in Jerusalem

Wall-E in Jerusalem

Although the Jerusalem Film Festival, celebrating it’s 25th edition this year, is known for excellent high brow festival titles from Europe and Asia and home-made premieres, the opening film was always a lighter, commercial, mostly family friendly movie due to the location of the opening night ceremony. The opening night films are screened on a giant outdoor screen in front of an audience of 5,000, in a valley shadowed by the ancient walls of Jerusalem. It is truly a spectacular way to see a movie. It also gives “Wall-E” a new meaning for his name. Wall indeed.
Previous festival openers, “Ratatouille” and “Shrek” went on to become that year’s top ticket selling film locally. And indeed, in the last few years the festival favored computer animated movies as openers.

Now “Wall-E”, which was scheduled to open on July 3rd, will have to move back a week to accommodate to the festival’s opening night date. Meaning that it will go head-to-head with “Hancock”, both opening the same day in Israel.

Read my previous related post: Critics banned from reviewing “Hancock”, “Wall-E”, “Narnia”, “Sex and the City”

I just watched (belatedly) HBO’s riveting “Recount” - a primer in US mob politics - when I heard Tim Russert died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 58. Russert appears in several archive footage shots, most importantly the one where Joe Lieberman, appearing on “Meet the Press”, fumbles Gore’s recount efforts.
Russert was not the first. Two and a half weeks ago Sydney Pollack died, two days after “Recount”’s premiere. Pollack was the designated director for “Recount” but handed the job over to Jay Roach due to his illness (Dave Grusin, Pollack’s regular composer, remains the only testament to Pollack’s early involvement). “Recount” is produced by Mirage - the production company co-owned by Pollack and Anthony Minghella. Minghella died prematurely a year ago. Maybe that election was indeed cursed.

If you saw “Recount” you should see this: in 2002, two years after Bush-Gore election debacle, Spike Lee directed a breathtaking and heart quickening documentary about the same story - and did it in 10 minutes. The segment is called “We Wuz Robbed” (it’s included in the anthology movie “10 Minutes Older: The Trumpet“), I show it to my students every semester, it is a true masterpiece of documentary storytelling and political filmmaking told in breakneck speed:

You’d think a flop is when a movie is released and no one shows up to see it. But when it comes to “The Happening”, the new M. Night Shyamalan movie, this one looks like it’s an a-priori bomb. Case in point: the Israeli release - out today, 24 hours before the north American roll-out. I, a Tel Aviv film geek, have practically nowhere to see the movie. At least, not a place with adequate screening conditions and hours. The movie gas all but been buried.

It seems international exhibitors regard this one as DOA. “The Happening” is opening today in Israel but in Tel Aviv it will roll out without critic screenings, almost zero billboards and is booked on only one screen. It’s booked in the second smallest auditorium in the biggest multiplex in the city, for only 2 shows on opening day, both of them early evening shows (the youngster hours, for a film classified as 16 here). Meaning, if I read the signs properly, that they know no one will show up, and they’ll try to make sure it happens.

Last time we heard of “Hover Car Racer” was back in 2004, when Disney bought the rights to Mathew Reilly’s futuristic techno novel (originally published online for free). But the project, I realized this week, is still very much alive. On Monday, June 2nd, I moderated a Q&A session with John Sayles who presented his film “Honeydripper” at the Tel Aviv International Student Film Festival (alongside on stage was his longtime producer and partner Maggie Renzi). It is quite known that Sayles makes a living doing rewrites and polish work for big budget Hollywood movies, and with the money he earns doing that he produces his own films independently.

John Sayles (left), Maggie Renzi and myself at the “Honeydripper” Q&A. Monday in Tel Aviv (Photo credit: Maya Paz)

When I asked what he is currently re-writing he answered “Hover Car Racer“, then turned to the audience and added: “I guess you can tell what this movie is about from the title”. Silly on my part not to follow this up with a question about any director or talent attached.
Sayles added that he self financed the 5 million dollar “Honeydripper” by taking on 12 Hollywood screenwriting gigs. He recently got a rare writing credit for “The Spiderwick Chronicles”. “I was one of nine writers and one of three credited writers”, he mentioned. “Spiderwick” is a rarity because most of Sayles’ rewrites are done uncredited, keeping his name tacked on his more personal work, including his Oscar nominated work for “Lone Star” and “Passion Fish”.
And although “Honeydripper”’s US box-office receipts are a disappointment the movie, said Renzi, is a surprise hit in Spain. How soon does it take him to start thinking about his next project as writer-director? “Not before July”, quipped Renzi. “I have about 12 ideas for my next movie”, said Sayles, “I’ll have to see which one I can finance”.

“Oh Carrie, you are cracking us up with your stories of how Charlotte shat her pants in Mexico. Wish Ben Stiller was there to see it”

Oh My God, “Sex and the City”* is Horrible**.

(*) And I liked the series quite a lot, at least the first few seasons.
(**) I will keep this review brief, only 9 words long, as an antidote to the movie’s mammoth length (135 minutes) and dull pacing and its terminal lack of charm.

What’s the funniest thing playing right now? Nope, it’s not the monkey-swinging scene in Indiana Jones 4. It’s those hilarious fake advertisements playing on Grand Theft Auto IV’s car radio. I hope you’re paying close attention to what’s going-on on your car radio in GTA4, because there are some awsome tunes playing on the rock and electronica stations, and terrific send-ups of AM talk radio (including a “live” broadcast of a seance).
But in between the mock commercials are down right hilarious.
I’ve got three of the best for you to hear right now.

(watch out: it’s not only laden with profanity, it’s also downright offensive. Use discretion, especially if your politically-correctometer is set to “extra sensitive”)

1.
Here’s one promo ad for a reality show we’d love to see (right up there next to “30 Rock”’s “MILF Island”), with the we-dare-you-to-actually-use-it tagline: “It’s time to judge women again”. It’s “America’s Next Top….” aaah, hear it for yourself:

2.
This one is called Babies Overnight.

3.
And finally, why don’t you come on down to ladies’ night at the Liberty City Gun Club. Here’s the spot:

Do you want me to post some more?